Arabian Dates
by Missie2
Summary: After a temporary split with Trowa, the others encourage Quatre to date a series of 'interesting' characters..............how will Trowa react?
1. Default Chapter

1001 Arabian Dates

Alright, peeps! I'm back after a long dry spell. Our old computer crashed, but I have a new one now and I can get back to work. Here's a celebratory comedy fic. I'll be describing the first date in more detail, because I've dated guys taller than me so I'm drawing from real life experience. Actually, most of these will be based on horrible dates I've had. If you'd like to give me material by describing some of your awful dates, please give me details in your reviews. I'll give you credit in the intro.

Warnings: Yaoi, 3+4, 4+a whole bunch of other people. Mild language, innuendo.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. There, happy?

**************************************************************************************

When you laugh, the world laughs with you. Similarly, when Quatre R. Winner's depressed, the rest of the world's depressed as well. And right now, Quatre was so far down Depression Creek that the ferryman was getting chronic arthritis.

Since Trowa decided that he needed some time alone with his thoughts, all Quatre was doing was sitting in front of the television watching reruns of a 20th Century show called Jerry Springer with a cup of tea that he wasn't drinking, just stirring over and over again. Finally, Duo snapped. He marched into the living room, switched off the screen just before a 400-pound woman in a wedding dress could throw a chair at her transvestite lover. Then he grabbed the tea and hurled it against the wall.

Quatre: "Hey, I was drinking that!"

Duo: " No, you weren't!"

Quatre: " Fine. Hey, I was stirring that!"

Duo: " I'm getting REALLY sick of this! You need another man. Forget that mute masochist in baggy pants and have a fling with a NORMAL person."

Quatre: " No way! First of all, I still love Trowa. Second, I never meet anyone nice. Third, Jerry Springer was just getting interesting."

Duo: " Me and the guys can set you up, you can have a little fun while you wait for Trowa to come to his senses, and you can tape Jerry Springer."

Quatre: " If I agree, will you clean the stain you made on the wall?"

Duo: " Awwww,……all right."

Quatre: " Fine, I'll play the field. Now leave me alone."

Duo ran into the kitchen to give the other boys their instructions. Trowa raised an eyebrow, but then went back to being absorbed in his thoughts.

**************************************************************************************

Date No. 1: Sho from Wufei's karate club.

After a tiring afternoon of beating the crap out of each other, Wufei approached one of his toughest fellow members, a six foot eight guy with black hair, green eyes and muscles everywhere, with a proposition.

Wufei: "Say, Sho, are you seeing anyone at the moment?"

Sho: " Wow, Wufei, I didn't think you cared."

Wufei: " Oh, it's not for me. I'm not……that way. Look, a friend of mine just came out of a serious relationship and he's kind of depressed. We just want to get him out of the house."

Sho: " Sorry, man. I don't want to be anyone's rebound date."

A guy who'd been listening stepped in.

Guy: " Hey, Wufei, I've met some of your friends. Which one are we talking about here?"

Wufei: " Um, Quatre Winner."

Guy: " Quatre? About this high, (raises hand to the base of his chest) blonde hair, big blue eyes, cute little smile?"

Wufei: (Sweatdrops) " Yeah, that sounds about right."

Guy: " GREAT! I can be his rebound guy!"

Sho: " Hang on, he asked me first!"

Guy: " Yeah, but you're not interested, remember?"

Sho: " I changed my mind. Here's my number, Wufei."

Later on, Quatre waited in the safe house for his date, dressed in a pale blue silk shirt and black trousers. The others, bar Trowa, were waiting to see how things would go. At eight on the dot, the doorbell rang, and Quatre got up to get it, looking like someone about to be executed. When he opened the door, he found himself staring at the guy's stomach. Wufei clamped a hand across his mouth. He hadn't really given any thought to HEIGHT DIFFERENCE!

Duo: " Hey, Wufei, does this guy have a car or is he gonna stick Quatre in his pocket?"

Quatre looked up slowly to the face of this man mountain, who was blushing furiously.

Sho: "Um, hi. I-I'm Sho, and I already know your name. My car's parked around the corner."

Still taken aback by the size of the guy, Quatre followed him out to the car. Minutes later, they were in the Chinese restaurant. Quatre ordered a platter of Chow Mein while Sho ordered a huge slab of steak with blood dripping from it and tore into it like a bear into raw moose. Being a vegetarian, Quatre felt a little queasy. Sho struck up a conversation in between mouthfuls.

Sho: "Man (chomp) when Wufei said you were looking for a date (gulp) I was kinda wary, y'know?"

Quatre: "Wufei usually has good taste." _ When he breathes, I can see all the hairs in his nose!_

Sho: "Well, (snap) most blind dates are people who couldn't get a date if they paid someone. (snort) I was kinda surprised when I saw you. I thought you'd be all ugly and stuff."

Quatre: "I'm flattered you changed your mind, I guess." _Those hairs are as thick as my fingers! And twice as long!_

Sho: " But you're kinda thin. You need meat, none of this flavoured grass crap."

Quatre: "I think killing animals for food is cruel. And I'm naturally thin. Metabolism." _If he sneezes, he could put someone's eye out!_

Sho: " Different strokes for different folks, I guess. CHEQUE PLEASE!"

At ten, Sho walked Quatre to the door. And just before the blonde could run to the safety of the house, Sho grabbed him, bent him back and covered half of his face in a sloppy kiss. Quatre was too surprised to struggle.

__

Ugh, he tastes like dead cow! If he puts his tongue in my mouth, I'll die of asphyxiation! If we ever have sex, he'll spear all my internal organs! I am going to kill Wufei! Then Duo for coming up with this stupid plan. Then I'm going to kill Trowa for putting me in this predicament! Then Heero 'cause I feel like it!

Finally, Sho let him go, and went home with an idiotic grin across his face. Quatre wiped the saliva off of his face and went inside. Wufei, Duo and Heero looked up with smiles on their faces, which they dropped when Quatre gave them a ZERO-style death glare. Wufei quickly excused himself.


	2. Chapter 2

1001 Arabian Dates

Chapter 2

All right, back to work. I need material, so if anyone's willing to help me out please describe your worst dates in your reviews. 

**************************************************************************************

Date no. 2: O-dog in the house!

" The Big friendly Giant called you again."

" Tell him I've been taken prisoner in The Holy Land."

" If you don't want to see him, why don't you just tell him?"

" I did! He won't take no for an answer! Tell Wufei I still hate him."

" All right, chill. I'm going clubbing tonight, I'll pick up someone nice for you."

"Hrmph."

" What was that?"

" Hrmph, I said Hrmph."

Duo fell in the door at about 6:30am, triumphantly clutching someone's phone number in one hand and a beer in the other. The date was all arranged by 8:00pm, at the same restaurant that Sho had taken him to. With a rhythmic knock on the door, Quatre's second date was revealed.

" Yo, yo, yo, Whassup, gees?"

Quatre's eyes were wide as saucers. His date was a well-built black guy, wearing more jewellery than Relena Peacecraft at a social function and a t-shirt that declared GOD IS BLACK! Over that he wore a jacket three times too big with the emblem "Dirty Denim" on the back and baggy track pants. He saw Duo in the doorway and waved. Duo looked a bit sheepish. He hadn't remembered much about last night, except that he HAD gotten someone's number. Anyway, he pushed Quatre forward and introduced them.

" Quatre this is…this is…"

" O-Dog. Man, D, you was wasted last night."

" Yeah. This is O-Dog, O-Dog, this is Quatre."

O-Dog gave the flustered blonde a complicated handshake, then looked him up and down and smiled.

" Damn, D, you know how to pick 'em. How did you know O-Dog likes blonde pussy?"

Before Quatre could start feeling insulted by that last comment, Duo pushed them both out the door. On their way to O-Dog's car, he could still hear them.

" Daaaaammmnnnnn, baby got back!"

" Um, thanks, I think."

When they left, Wufei slapped Duo upside the head.

" And we thought Sho was bad! What the hell were you thinking setting him up with Shaft AC195?"

" I dunno, I was drunk! And don't blame me, it was Trowa's fault for dumping him in the first place!"

Trowa didn't retaliate. He was staring out the window in the direction that the couple had left in, thinking that if O-Dog so much as laid a finger on Quatre's 'back' he'd break his neck. The phone rang, and Duo picked it up gratefully.

" Hi, who is this? Sho? I'm sorry, he's not here…he's gone out… no, with another guy… this is the first date, I don't know if it's serious… okay, I'm gonna hang up now…Bye… Bye…BYE! 'Bang!' Wow, Quat was right, he can't take no for an answer!"

Meanwhile, at the restaurant, O-Dog was busy making a scene.

" It's 'cos I'm BLACK, isn't it?"

" No, sir, no-one's allowed have their feet on the table."

" I can't stand you honkies! Think you're better than me 'cos you got a fancy-shmancy job?"

" Fancy-shmancy? I clean up regurgitated food, for God's sake!"

" Oh, now you throwing your EDICAYSHUN in my face, with your long words and posh voice…"

" I dropped out when I was fourteen! That's why I'm working here!"

" Maybe you should sit down, O-Dog."

" Stay outta this, Kitty."

" It's Quatre."

" Whatever."

Rolling his eyes, Quatre stood up and walked out of the restaurant, leaving O-Dog to deal with the security 'honkies.'

An hour later, he stormed into the safe house. Duo greeted him nervously.

" H-hey, Q, how was the date?"

" I am NOT talking to you, honky! I'm going to my room to cry!"

He stormed up the stairs, and Duo looked pointedly at Heero.

" Your turn now, Hee-man."


End file.
